need prayer

I am still trying to do the First Place study stuff, and exercise, and drink my water, and write down everything I eat, and stay under 1,600 calories a day. It is not easy for me, pray as I want to be healthier for God & for me. With all the Easter candy others bought my boys I have been doing very bad. I feel bad just throwing it all away, but my kids don't need it either. Joshua wakes up and goes right for the candy lately. This is no good. Maybe all the candy is why he has been so naughty! (or my lazy parenting lately?) Sometimes it seems just getting through the day is enough without adding focusing on my walk with the Lord, and leading my kids spiritually, but these are the two most important things that I must be doing everyday. Everything else (cooking, cleaning, etc) is secondary. Why is is hard for me to put God first in my life? He is so worth that. Pray that tomorrow I get up and spend time with God first thing. Thanks! -Becky

our favorite special treat

ice cream plus

root beer, we prefer Stewart's, but store brand is ok too

equals two happy kids

us at the beach today

shells in sand
me taken by Jason
Jason & Joshua
Beach (New York City in background)

another heartbreaking conversation

Yesterday Jason reminded me that he was bored at my wedding and so he played his new gameboy (this was in 2003), Joshua asked if I was marrying his dad. I said yes, then he started to ask me why I was not married to his dad anymore, to which I told him his dad didn't want to be married to mommy anymore. I don't want to make him look like a bad guy or glorify him either. I want to tell my boys the truth. I said his dad broke his promise to me and to God to stay married to me. Jason said is Joshua's dad a Christian. I said I thought so. They asked then why did he break his promise. I told them that we all sin, mom yells and stuff, we all sin. We all make mistakes. Joshua said he wants a dad in the house last time we talked about all this and I told him that God is our father but maybe God has another dad for him on earth. Well he has been praying for a dad in the house most every night. So yesterday he said "When will I get the dad God wants me to have?" What can I say, maybe never. But I tell him to keep praying and then I reminded him how blessed we are to have to each other and Grandpa who does fun boy stuff with them. It is so amazing to me how much a 10 and 4 year old get all this, when it still is so hard for me to comprehend. They are so innocent but seem also so wise beyond there years. And they trust God so to answer there prayers. But I want to also let them know God sometimes says no to our prayers. He knows what is best for us and sometimes no is best. He loves us that much to spare us from ourselves, if we obey Him. This is so hard. We think our ways will be the best, or at least I do. But boy have I been wrong. I see time and time again how His ways are the best for me. Too bad I don't always wait and listen myself. Thank God our God is a God of second chances (and third and fourth, and so on.) -Becky

I am having a heart attack!

Jason just came home from his Odyssey of the Mind practice (remember his team placed first in last competition and now on April 12th they are going to the state competitions.) Anyway he told me he wants to go to Camp Halluwasa in July. It is a Christian sleep away camp. My heart is racing, my mind is all a flutter. I think I am having a heart attack. My baby wants to leave me for 5 whole days and nights, and go to a place that I do not know any of the grownups! YIKES! I am not sure what to say. I am so impressed he is not afraid to do such a thing (he is pretty shy) and forget about his meltdowns, medicine, and other things too personal for me to mention. Who will watch him, make sure he brushes his teeth, make sure he is kind, and give him his nightly hug and kiss? What if he gets hurt or sick? And believe me I am not a paranoid mom, I believe in the 30 second rule, I let him, even at 2 climb tall trees. But I was right there. I even let him ride his bike to school and home alone everyday. I let him walk to his friends a few streets down. But then I am only minutes away. Yikes!
I right away told him he would have to come up with at least half the money (it is almost $400 for the week.) Maybe this will deter him, but he already has $27 of his allowance saved and he said he will not spend any of his allowance until he saves the money. And he did save to buy his own Wii ($250) last year.
I feel that heart ache again, maybe it's not really a heart attack but it sure hurts to have my babies growing up. -Becky

PS. Jason is 10, hardly a baby. If you feel led to help to send him to this camp we'd appreciate a donation.

We're back

Joshua did stay in rest the 20 min., so we all went to the movies. Let me say I was expecting to hate the movie, but I loved it. It was so cute. Plus the whole a person's a person no matter how small line reminds us God loves us from conception and He loves every one of us who live on this Earth.






But I was shocked at paying $45 for 6 movie tickets ($7.50 each), what happened to $5 movies. I payed for all the tickets. The kids had to each use there own money for snacks. Breanna & Michael got 2 Slurpee's and nachos $15 total. Danielle got a Slurpee and popcorn $8 total. Jason got candy and a Slurpee $9 total. Josh got candy and a Slurpee $9 total. Me nachos (I love movie theater nachos) $7. So movies 6 people $45 plus snacks 6 people $48, for a total of $93.00 for 2 hours. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I don't usually buy any movie snacks, the kids used all there own money for snacks but still. To put that in prospective, I work Mon.-Fri. from 7:00am-5:30 pm (with no break) that's 10.5 hours a day, times 5 days equals 52.5 hours per week. I make $263 a week. That's over 35% of my weekly pay for 2 hours entertainment. Ok, so I am obsessed with numbers. But I discovered Tues. is $5 any movie all day, so I could have paid $5 x 6 people, $30 for movie and brought all snacks from home for about $10 (including drinks) cutting this movie trip in half. I have learned my lesson. I am so glad that I actually enjoyed the movie though.

Do you ever go to the movies? Do you buy snacks? Or do you bring snacks from home? Do you feel bad if you do?

-Becky

Thursday

Hello! It is Thursday. My kids have had no school since last Thur. Jason is doing great. Joshua is not. He can be so naughty, rude, and demanding. He yells and hits, especially his brother. He can get so angry. It wears me down constantly disciplining him, which I know he is expected. Every time I give in is a victory for him. I need strength to be consistent 100% of the time. Pray for this.

I am working this week, I could not afford to take off and the little girl I watch her mom is working all week. Today I am taking all the kids to the movies, but Josh does not deserve to go after his screaming and yelling and hitting this morning. I wish I could leave him home in bed. I should stay home, but that is not fair to the other kids, and honestly I can't take fighting with him for 2 more hours. He is in rest right now, if he gets up or yells than I told him he is not going to movies, and now I will have to stick to it if he gets up. Tonight he will also go to bed early and he has lost video games for 3 days.

I wish parenting wasn't so hard.

At least I'll get a nap while the kids are watching Horton Hears a Who. LOL! -Becky