I need prayer

I want to ask for prayer. My ex husband's mother passed away on Friday. She was only 58 and died of breast cancer. It was pretty sudden. Please pray for my ex, Jose, and his entire family. They have not even to begun to process this loss.

But I need prayer as well. Seeing my ex again brings back so much pain. We have not even seen him in 2 years. (He lives in Florida and us in New Jersey.)

We were married on Sept. 1, 2002. We quickly moved to Kentucky for his work. I also quickly became pregnant with Joshua. Somewhere along the way he decided he did not want anymore children (he had two from his ex, plus I had Jason.) And with that in March of 2003 he told me he was done. It took me a month to realize what he was saying, so in April 2003, with me 36 weeks pregnant I returned back to NJ.

For a long time I waited for him to change his mind. He never did.

The honest truth is that I now know God did not intend for me to marry him, I just did it my way because I wanted to be married, and I thought I was in love. I just wasn't listening. God wanted to spare me all this pain.

But the way I feel being around him again is strange. My stomach does flips and I so easily forget all the pain. I go out of my way to be helpful and available.

I guess I will always have feelings for him as we were married and we have a son together. I would rather be friendly with him, than always fighting and hostile (as many who are divorced are.)

So I need prayer. Pray I would seek God for the love I long for, as I will never get it from my ex, and God's love should be all that matters. Pray for Josh who longs to have his dad be more of a part of his daily life. Pray I seek God's will in all my decisions, so that I can be a blessing to those around me without being a doormat.

-Becky