Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Not so merry

We put up our tree today. It wasn't such a peaceful, enjoyable time. Josh didn't want to help and even though has been asking me to put up the tree for 2 weeks, changed his mind and said he didn't want the tree up at all. Jason basically carried tree in, set it up, and put the lights on by himself. I helped a bit, but mostly kept Josh from annoying Jason. Jason did a great job.

I think my mood has not been merry at all lately. I feel like I am just drifting sometime.

I know I am so blessed, and am so grateful for what God has given me. I know we have a great life, yet can't always get my emotions on board with that.

It all comes down to my heart not focusing on Jesus lately.

I Have been focusing on getting lots of sleep.

I Have been focusing on learning about living green.

I Have been focusing on the evils of food dyes.

I Have been on facebook daily.

I Have been checking my bank accounts online a lot.

I Have been focusing on making enough money to get through the month.

But my walk with God is virtually non existent lately.

When I write down what I do everyday (sleeping, watching tv, eating, going online, worrying, stressing, homeschooling, running errands, yelling, and other meaningless things) it makes me realize my priorities are all messed up.

God should be first, my raising my boys and homeschooling should be next, family and friends should follow, then work. Stress and worry shouldn't even be on my list at all. Healthy living is important, but not everything.

The way my heart feels (EMPTY) reminds me of all this, but getting back into walking with Him seems foreign to me.

Dear Lord,

I am sorry. I tried to do life my way again. I have seen how that works out before, yet still I have let so many things come before you. And here I am again, feeling so lost and empty. Lord, I need you to help me. On my own I am nothing. I need my heart and life to be consumed with you. I want to wake up and think of nothing but praising you Lord. I want my heart to be so full of you that I am overflowing you on all those in my life and all those I meet.
Help me Lord!

In Jesus Name, Amen



Jeannette said...

Sometimes I wonder if you just like beating yourself up, God understands that life gets tangled, maybe the reason you don't accomplish your goals is because you set too many expectations for yourself. May I remind you your homeschooling, not to mention being a single parent, breadwinner, house keeper, bill payer, food supplier, dog walker and this is just the short list.

Your human, last week I spent $44 at the thrift shop on stupid stuff I will never be able to wear or use, will I do it again probably, so what, do I spend time daily with God, well I try, even if it's just a few minutes I try.

It's all good and all these things your banging your head against the wall about will work out for themselves, maybe when your kids are in their 20's but someday

Hang in there
we love you