Sunday, October 31, 2010


Lady ate my toothbrush. Ewww! I hope she has fresh breath now. I now I sure don't. lol. This is what she has eaten so far (that I know about):

2 fire starter logs
loaf of bread
homeopathic PMS pills
3 tomatoes
3 granola bars
my toothbrush (she ate the brush part, but left the handle)
a chapstick (ate the chapstick, chewed and spit out the plastic container)

What fun!


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Goodbye Link

Sat. Jason's bird, Link passed away. It seems he was startled to death by Lady, our dog. I didn't even know this could happen, so I feel horrible. Jason is very upset. He has been training Link for the past 6 months.
Goodbye, Link. You will be missed.


Kaiden is so smart

Kaiden holds his own bottle

Eric's voice

I have been saving this message for a long time. Glad I have it, but still makes me cry every time I hear it. I added the message to an old picture. -Becky

Happy Birthday Scott

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Raising kids is hard

I hesitate to write this post as I can already hear the criticism. I chose to homeschool, so I should be able to handle it. If my kids were in public school and we were having a bad week would that somehow be more acceptable to people to hear my concerns?

Anyway last Fri. I went to the viewing for my friend, Chris. I also worked at night, so I was not with my kids all day. They literally played video games and stayed up very late. Already a bad combo for my kids.
Sat. and Sun. Jason went on an overnight fishing trip with my stepfather and my nephew. Although he had a great time it was out of his normal routine.

By Monday Jason was in another world. He gets this way with his issues, than it seems he is a different child. He almost has no control over himself.

This does not happen often and has greatly improved over the years, especially with behavioral therapy, family and individual counseling, and meds (gasp I know, but sometimes they are needed.)

But when it does I am at a lost. I don't know what to do.

Imagine a two year old out of control in a tantrum, in a 12 year old body. Then Josh who can't stay out of anything gets involved. This causes extreme fights between them. Jason literally just threw a shoe at his brother. They both are speaking so unkindly.

Many times I feel as if I have to choose between my kids. If I am helping one, how can I help the other. One needs quiet, one thrives on noise.

I know that Jason needs to calm down to get out of this situation, but that will not happen with Josh yelling at him. But at the same time Jason can't be rude to Josh.

First, we all have heart issues. Right now I am wishing I could go far away. I don't even like my kids right now. Jason has the challenges he was born with (ADHD, sensory issues, learning disabilities.) Joshua has been diagnosed with ODD. Which is basically extreme anger that he just unleashes. If you think this stuff is made up, spend a week at my house. Both my boys have the environmental issues of no dad. This hurts them (and me.) They also don't get to see a man respecting me. The only model they see is me.

And honestly, I AM A MESS!

I want my family to be living for the Lord. I want to model that myself so my kids can grow. But it is hard. I am grieving. I am stressed myself. Yet I can't put my life of raising kids, homeschooling, and working aside so I can deal with my issues.

Instead of blogging I know I should be calling on the name of the Lord.

He has called me to homeschool.

He has blessed me with these kids.

He promises that He will not give me more than I can handle, if I rely on Him.

So what is wrong? Me not relying on Him.

Me choosing to sleep in instead of talking with Him.

Me choosing to watch DVD's at night instead of listening to Him.

Me feeling sad and sorry alone. Instead of remembering He grieves with me.

Dear Lord,

Equip me. I want to do right by you and these boys. I want to show them your love and mercy. I want to be patient. But Lord you know my heart. You see my pain. You know I have neglected you. You know I am empty and have not asked you to fill me Lord.
Lord, please fill my heart with only you. Your love. Your grace. Your mercy. Fill me to overflowing so I can spill that on to my boys Lord.
Please remind me of the great privilege it is to raise and homeschool these boys. Please give me joy in all circumstances. ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW LORD!

In Jesus Name,


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Does she look guilty?

Tonight I made salmon and broccoli for dinner (super easy, put salmon and veggies in foil, add lemon, wrap, heat at 350 degrees for 20-30 min.)

Anyway boys were not ready to eat, so I made up plates and put Josh's on the table.

I was praising him for finishing his salmon (he and Jason are playing with their cousin so I ate without them.) He stopped me to tell me he did not eat anything. I asked the other kids and got no's from them. Apparently Lady ate the fish. She left the skin and broccoli though.
No on saw her get up on the table. She is so big she probably just put her head up there.
I can't even yell at her now, she will not know why she is getting yelled at. I have to catch her in the act.

What a waste of salmon. It was so good, too.

I guess I have to be more mindful now that we have a dog.


More Kaiden

Kaiden slept over last night.

Today he is officially 21 week old. He has his first tooth, it just popped through last week. He can sit up (with help, and sometimes while he falls forward he sits up for a few seconds.) He can wiggle on his belly and move around or off a blanket completely. He can roll over.

He is so sweet.

I love being able to spend time with him. Plus my boys are great with him and both can make him laugh so much.

But every time I tried to get the laugh in the picture I usually just missed it. My camera has a focus delay that makes spontaneous baby moments hard to capture.

I took about 200 pictures and only got about 2 with a smiling baby. Maybe one day I will figure out my camera. Kaiden will probably be 20 then, lol, but I will hold those smiles in my heart forever.


Kaiden is 21 weeks old today

a little shy at first

sitting up

Josh and Kaiden
Jason and Kaiden
modeling is hard work, I really worked up an appetite

enough already

Sunday, October 17, 2010


I just watched the new movie, Babies. It is the story (without words) of 4 babies from first breath to first steps. The babies (2 girls, & 2 boys) are from:
Namibia, Mongolia, Japan, and United States.

All babies were breast fed, which is shown in detail in this movie, which I love.

It is so cool that even in four different places in the world the babies all made the same milestones.

My favorite was Bayar, from Mongolia. He just got to crawl around naked often. Plus he played with goats. He also got beat up by his older brother (who looked about 3) like three times in the movie. Poor kid, but funny nonetheless.

Ponijao, from Namibia never wore diapers at all. And was always naked and dirty, but so cute and happy. He stayed with mom all day through her work and such and nursed on demand. He also was worn on his mom's back while she worked. The mom also had an older baby who was still nursing, so at times she had two babies nursing at once.

Mari, from Japan was so cute, but also seemed to be the most spoiled and cried the most. But she also was worn by mom in the movie. She was an only child.

Hatti, from the United States (San Francisco to be exact) was a blond blued eyed cutie. She also was an only child. She did get a bottle during movie, which I didn't like, but was first shown nursing.

All these babies were clearly loved and welcome additions to their families.

Have you seen this documentary?


Giving in spite of myself

I am sad, I am depressed. I am having a pity party over losing my cousin (2006), brother (2009), and now my friend (last week.) But especially now I need to give of myself in spite of my situation. I need to share Christ even more, not retreat from Him in my despair.

I want to give a plea for you to do something to share Christ's love today or this week.

Visit a neighbor with a plate of cookies, muffins, bread etc. If you have no time to bake buy from store.
Visit a senior in a nursing home. Just talk with them and let then talk.
Offer to babysit for a single mom so she can just relax.
Offer to do laundry for a single mom who may not have time to do so otherwise.
Send a gift card for a local food store to a family struggling. Send an encouraging card with it as well.
Do some yard work for an elderly neighbor.
Donate time, money, or food to your local food pantry.
Send a package, card, etc, to a soldier.
Offer the mailman a bottle of water or cup of hot chocolate all ready to go in a to go cup.
Volunteer or donate stuff to local Salvation Army.
Give money to any organization that also spreads God's word.
Buy a package of diapers for a struggling young family.
Pay the tab for a young family at a restaurant.
Pay the toll for the person behind you at a toll booth.
Whatever else God lays on your heart!

The United States is in a troubling state. We have forsaken God.

Let's take back our nation, by putting God first once more. As Jesus was in his most darkest hour dying on the cross, He still spoke out and shared God with those around Him.

Despite your circumstances, do something for someone else in the name of Christ.

We all need Him now more than ever!!!


p.s. leave a comment with any other things for Christ we can do this week!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

More books read

This week I finished reading:

Dearest Friend By Lynne Withey and A Marked Man by Barbara Hamilton.

Both are fiction books about the life and adventures of Abigail Adams.

The first is written with excerpts from the letters Abigail wrote to her husband, John during the many years they spent apart as he was helping start America, both before and after the American Revolution.

The second is a mystery with Abigail as the heroine. Not sure I would read another like it.

I am trying to read a book a week. I am doing pretty well at it. I also am reading the books I assign Jason and Josh for history each week so I can discuss them with the boys.

What are you reading?


Saying Goodbye for now

Yesterday was the viewing for my friend, Chris. I hate to see her lying there.

Today is the funeral. I don't really want to go. It is cold and windy out. It is going to be very crowded. My house is a mess. I want to crawl back into bed. My hair is a mess. Parking will be crazy. Too many people crying.

Ok, ok, enough excuses. I am out the door.

Saying goodbye is not easy or fun, but the best thing is it is goodbye for now, not forever as I will see her again.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Dog cost so far

Since we got an older dog from a person (as opposed to an organization) our cost have so far been relatively low.

$30 bed and treats at Costco (boys used their allowance)
$15 new engraved name and number tag Petsmart (again boys own money)
$3 treat bought by me at Petsmart
$5 Hermit Crab treat (since dog was getting a treat)
$5 bird treat (again since other pets were getting treats)

Almost $60, but I only spent $13. Not too bad.

Lady came with her bowl, leash, yard dog chain, and a huge bin of food. She also came with three months heartworm meds (she took the once monthly pill.) Her previous owners also gave me flea treatment if needed (2 vials since she is a large dog.)

I do have to pay the town to register her as my dog, but I think I will wait until Jan. since we have to get a new license every year. I think it is $20, but that includes a rabbies shot, so it is not too bad.

We also need to budget monthly:
$20 food (bag at Costco she has been eating for years)
$20 grooming ($100 2x's a year)

I know that if we had gotten a puppy the cost would have included fee or cost for puppy, all puppy shots, all stuff (bowl, leash, etc.) and who knows what else. Even an older dog from a shelter would have had a fee plus not come with her stuff.

I have been praying for a long time about getting a dog and all these upfront cost were prohibiting me from doing so.

With Jason's sensitivities and special needs a pet is highly recommended. It is someone he can show love and feel unconditional love from. Plus he can talk to and such without fear of rejection. Not to mention getting more exercise with walks, and more fresh air just playing with pet outside in yard.

Having Lady come up for adoption was a huge blessing for our family.

Please pray for a smooth transition for all of us. Also pray she remains healthy for many years to come (she is 6 1/2 years old right now.)

Jason is so sweet

I asked Jason to bring me a glass of water before. He cut up a lemon and squeezed some in, plus he added a lemon to the side of glass like they do at restaurants. It made me feel so special. He is so sweet!



My friend and mentor, Chris passed away last night. I am so glad she is not in pain anymore. I am so glad she is now rejoicing with the King. But I also selfishly still want her to be on earth with her family and church family.
She was a huge blessing to my life and to everyone else in her life as well. She was always smiling. Never critical. She radiated joy.
She was the light we are called to be. I need to be more like her (closer to the Lord.)

Chris is all the way to the right

Monday, October 11, 2010

Our family

I wanted to introduce you to the newest member of our family, but then I realized I never formally introduced the old members. So besides the boys we have:

Finn and Jake the hermit crabs. We got them about 2 months ago.

Link the parakeet. We got her about 6 months ago.

Lady the Old English Sheep dog

We got Lady on Sat. She is 6 1/2 years old. She came from our friends. We are so glad to have her. She is so sweet. Sun. we took her for an hour walk by beach, so hopefully she will help me get in better shape.
The boys are super happy. Especially Jason who has wanted a dog for so long.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

My friend, Chris

I went to the hospice center to see my mentor and friend, Chris today. She is dying. She is paralyzed from tumors on her spine. She is hurting. She can barely talk. I hate to see her in pain like this. It is so sad.

I have to wonder what is God doing? This woman loves Him. She serves Him. She is the light we are all called to be. I have never heard her complain, or gossip. She is always smiling. She has been a huge blessing to my life. She has been a great role model as well.

About a year and a half ago she was fine. A simple persistent cough took her to the doctor. Even with the cancer diagnosis doctors were so hopeful. But they were wrong. The cancer has spread. She is dying and it is happening so fast. Just last week while in the hospital she was smiling and telling her family and hospital staff about Jesus. Now today she can barely utter a word or keep her eyes open.

Chris is 55 years old. Her kids are between 21 and 29 years old (she has 3.) This is so unfair to them and to her. My mom said today it is a blessing she raised them and they all had a great relationship (they all did.) I agree, but now they are being robbed of the relationship turning from mother and child to one of friendship. I know how important my mom is to me, I can't fathom being without her.

As I type I look at a picture of Chris, with her beautiful smile. And I wait. I wait to hear that a miracle has occurred and she is healed. And yet I also wait to hear the news of her passing. I wait to cry. I wait to rejoice (rejoice if she is healed or that she will be with the King of kings.) I imagine I will do a bit of both.

The thing is I am not good at waiting.

Please pray for Chris, pray He would remove the tumors. Pray she would be pain free. Pray for her husband, Doug, her son, Michael, and her two daughters, Jackie, and Lauren. Pray for my church as we are all at a loss. Pray for me, as losing Chris will be hard and reminds me already of all the pain of losing Eric.



My Fri. night job

God blesses me in that he keeps providing ways for me to provide for my family. I wanted to tell you about how He blesses me with my Fri. night job.

1-4 Fri. nights a month (depends on how much they need me) I work at at a Temple from 7:00pm-10:30pm. I get paid $50 for the night regardless of actual hours worked. They have ONEG services and afterwards like to serve coffee, tea, snacks, baked goods, and hot appetizer type foods.

My job is simple, I set up and clean. The best part is I get to listen to the entire service while I work (we set up in a room near service.) I get to hear a great message and good music as well. Even though I am a follower of Jesus, they still speak of God the Father, so the message can apply to me as well.

After the service I get to keep all leftovers. Tonight I came home with a bowl of cut up fruit, about 40 mozzarella sticks, and half a platter of cut of veggies. I also get to snack while I am there on cheese and crackers, fruit, etc.

Overall I am really grateful for the work. The drawbacks are it is about an hour away and some months they don't even call me at all, but still I am glad when they do.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Lost a follower

I realize I lost a follower. That makes me sad. But I am still glad I have 29 followers, plus a car.

This blog is a way for me to grow personally and share Christ with those I know and don't.

I hope you are getting something from it as well.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

One month left to live

When Eric died I had no warning. It happened and that was that. No saying goodbye.
I always thought if maybe I had known or was able to say goodbye it would have been better or easier somehow.

Now I am not so sure.

A few weeks ago a man from our church (with a wife and two kids, one in high school, one in college) lost his battle with cancer. He was amazing. He loved the Lord and it showed in his life. But we knew that his time was near.

Sunday I learned another member of our church, a dear friend and mentor of mine, is losing her battle with cancer as well. The doctors told her she has about one month left to live. This woman even in extreme pain is using these days to witness to those in the hospital. She is such an inspiration. But knowing she is going to die does not make it easier. I don't want her to die.

She is 55 years old with three kids ages 21-30. She has been a tremendous blessing to my life. We have done weight loss classes, Bible studies, retreats and more together. She has giving me so much over the past few years. She gave us a bed, sheets, a sleeper sofa (that is currently in my living room), outdoor furniture (that is in my yard right now), and more.

I know God can do anything and He can heal her completely (please pray He does.) But I also need to prepare my heart that it may be her time.

So how do I go to the hospital and say goodbye? Do I go as if nothing has changed? Do I go at all?

These things make me question God's will. This woman is amazing and does so much for Him here on earth. Why does He want her home now? Her kids need her here, her husband needs her here. Our church needs her here. It doesn't seem fair.

So what would you do if you had one month left to live? I hope you would be like Chris and try to share Christ with as many people you come in contact with.


In a funk

Not sure if it was seeing that my grandmother has aged so much, or that it was my birthday, but yesterday and today I am in a funk.

I don't feel like doing anything. And I haven't. Yesterday we relaxed all day. We slept in. We watched a movie, and we did almost no school work. Diner was nachos eaten in the living room. (No complaints from the boys I assure you.)

Today I have yet to do anything. Jason is complaining of a stomach ache, and he wanted me to lay with him, so I did. FOR HOURS!

I did get up at 8:30am and take my grandmother to her church class. After that I thought I would do a bunch of stuff, but I haven't.

It could also be the weather, it is dreary and raining.

I am not sure how many others have do nothing, stay in pj's kind of days. No one I know can afford such a luxury. I can't really either, as I am supposed to be homeschooling and taking care of my home.

After Eric died I had lots of days I could not get out of bed. But it has been awhile since I have felt that way.

Yesterday and today I just feel blah, so not sure what the deal is.

Please pray for me. I so need motivation and energy. I am contemplating having a cup of coffee (I HATE coffee) for energy.

Also leave a comment if you have ever felt the need to do nothing all day!



Sunday, October 3, 2010

Today I am 31

30 was exciting, 31 is sort of uh.

I will say my mom came over with flowers and dessert and a present which was super nice. Even though I was cranky and ungrateful. Sorry mom!!!

Today we went to church. We watched Just Wright on DVD (cute movie.) I cleaned out my fridge and we went food shopping at Costco. I spent $300 there so we are set for awhile. My friend Joanna went with us and pushed my cart, which was so nice of her.

Even though I am cranky I am so blessed. I have amazing friends and family.

Thanks God for bringing me into this world 31 years ago around 1:00.


My siblings

In case you are confused by my siblings, here is the run down:

Eric is my oldest brother. He was born in 1976, so he would have been 34 this year, but he passed away last June. We have the same mom and dad.

Kevin is my younger brother. He is about to turn 30 in Jan. He lives 10 min. away from me in NJ. We have the same mom and dad.

Lindsey is my youngest sister. She just turned 26. She lives in Georgia. She is married and adopting a 3 year old girl from Russia very soon. We have the same dad, but different moms.

Adam is my baby brother. He was born in 1988, but passed away as an infant. We have the same mom, but different dads.

Samantha is my baby sister. She is 21 years old. She lives very close to me in NJ. She has my new nephew, Kaiden. We have the same mom, but different dads.

Matthew is my baby, baby brother. He lives in Ohio with my dad and his new wife, Nola. Matthew is 2 years old. We have the same dad, but different moms.

I grew up with Eric and Kevin. Then my mom remarried and Adam and Samantha came along. I did not grew up with Lindsey, but have a relationship with her now. I also am trying to have a relationship with Matthew as well.

It gets a bit confusing, but I love having lots of siblings to love!


Saturday, October 2, 2010

What we did last week

Monday we (my brother, Kevin, my boys, and me) left at 9am and drove 2 hours to PA to pick up my great aunt Joanne; from there we drove the additional 6 hours to Ohio. We got in about 6:00pm at night. Along the way we stopped for a few bathroom breaks. Upon arrival we went to a steakhouse for diner. They had yummy stuffed mushrooms, and great steak. Then we went to visit my grandmother in the nursing home. She broke her hip so is in the nursing home until she heals.

Tuesday we went swimming. We visited my grandmother. We got sushi for a late lunch / early dinner.

Wed. we also went swimming. We once again visited my grandmother. And we went to this great hibachi restaurant to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I had an awesome eel roll and salmon on the hibachi. It may have been the best meal I have ever had in a restaurant.

Thur. we visited my grandmother and then we went to Sugarcreek which is a cute small town with shops, Amish, wine and cheese making, and more. We went to this great cheese shop. They make the Swiss at the shop. Yum! We also went to Red Robin for a delicious burger. I also got pictures printed for my grandma's room and had them framed. And I got her a green plant and a yellow mum. The boys went swimming with my dad while I shopped.

Fri. we went to Football Hall of Fame just for gift shop; said our goodbyes; and then drove home. We arrived home about 10pm.

One of the days we went to the cabin that has been in their family for 63 years. It was built by my great grandfather and grandfather. It was sold this week, so we wanted to say our goodbyes.

It was great to see my great aunt, grandmother, dad, his wife, and my baby brother (he is 2.) It was even nicer to spend 5 whole days with Kevin.

I am sorry my grandmother is in the nursing home, please pray her hip would heal quickly and she could walk again. Pray also the insurance resumes paying for the nursing home. It is $7,000 a month and they are no longer paying as they feel she is not making significant progress. She is 86, so what do they expect, her to run a marathon?



Ohio trip

Some pics from our trip to Ohio this past week:
Jason & Joshua
my brother Kevin and me
Jason in woods behind cabin
Josh and his uncle Matthew
summer cabin my great grandfather and grandfather built 63 years ago. It just sold this week.
us at great hibachi restaurant
my dad and newest brother, Matthew
my great aunt Joanne
My dad's wife, Nola, and my newest brother, Matthew
Me, Jason, Josh, & Matthew in hotel pool

Sept. bills

Praise the Lord I once again have made it through the month paying all my bills.

My only debt is my mortgage and $150 on my Kohl's charge that I hope to pay off asap. (I hate debt, but with that money my boys each got 3 pairs shoes and I got a pair of jeans and shoes.)


We are back

We got in late last night. We were in Ohio visiting my grandmother who is in a nursing home. I will post some pics in a bit.