Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My past dating life

Since having my first son at the age of eighteen, I have not had too many dates or relationships. My son's father was only the second guy I had ever dated. We dated a few months before I got pregnant, and we tried to stay together, but were just too young and immature to really understand all that a relationship required.

I spent the next two years devoted solely to raising my son, and providing for our lives. And some much needed growing up. When my son was about two years old I actually dated a nice guy for a few months. That didn't really work out. Fast forward two years and I started dating my ex husband. We married about nine months into the relationship.

You all know how that ended (just in case you don't when I was eight months pregnant he left me, in another state, with no car; my mom came to my rescue.)

Anyway, I spent the next four years not dating, just getting my life back on track and raising my boys. In 2007 I met this guy online, who lived out of state. We had a bizarre relationship for about two years. He was so wrong for me, I should have ended it after our first meeting.

But eventually I did end it and spent the last three years coming to contentment that I was single and may stay that way for the rest of my life. I finally had peace about it. I turned to the blessings I did have and once again put all my energies and focus into raising the boys (as somewhere along that time I had begun homeschooling as well.)

So in my entire life I have only dated five guys. (Not counting any he's my boyfriend from like grammar school of course, I do not consider those dating.)

You may have gleaned a few things about my first boyfriend, if you have been reading my blog long enough, or if you are family you may already know too many of the details.

We dated from 7th or 8th grade (1992-93) until I graduated high school (June 1996.) We did break up on occasion, as most teens do I am sure. We had an interesting relationship to say the least. But from what we understood love as, we did love each other. Yet we both were so young and so broken. I was longing for the love of my father; he was dealing with his own family issues. I turned to him to fill my longing; he turned to drugs and alcohol. This was not a healthy option for either of us, of course.

We both ended up hurt and eventually parted ways.

I carried that hurt right into my second relationship and beyond. It took coming to know the Lord, time, and much therapy to see what healthy is and to be content with myself and my life.

But despite all the pain and heartache of my past, I am grateful for it all. My past has shaped me and helped me become who I am today.

I am grateful for all the relationships I have been in (ok, maybe not the last one.) I learned something from each of these relationships. And I have my boys from two of these relationships as well.

Of course, I have made many mistakes, and also do not want for my boys to have give a part of their heart to anyone who will not be their spouse. (Yes, that is a natural consequence of having relationships outside of God's will.) I hope to spare them much of the heartache I have had.

But I can look back and hold onto the fond memories of each relationship, and let go of the harsh memories.

So that is my past dating life. Anyone want to chime in on their past dating life? Or thoughts on dating in general?


p.s. Now, as a christian, and a much older and wiser me, I think dating at such a young age is a bad idea. Not even sure I agree with the whole idea of teens dating at all. I like the idea of courting.