Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The present

My last post was pretty much a sum up of the dating I have done for the past 20 years. This post is about the present.

I have mentioned my first boyfriend a few times on this blog, and in my previous post as well. It was 16 years ago that we parted ways. I can still remember the day actually. Over the years we have kept in touch, actually at one point asking each other for forgiveness for the past. (Which was a pretty amazing conversation.)

We had a few phone conversations, letters, and one meet up since then. That was until this summer.

This summer he moved back from out of state, where he had been the past few years. In June, before he moved back I was talking with one of his sisters and felt compelled to write him a letter (I still prefer handwritten letters to texts and emails.) The letter ended up being returned to me. I held onto it from some reason.

Fast forward a few weeks and we struck up a facebook conversation. I mentioned the letter and after more time just having casual facebook conversation we actually met up again and I gave him the letter.

Since then we have continued talking through facebook, texts, phone, and in person. We have spent time together going out to dinner, movies, and doing other things. He even came to our church.

It is strange getting to know someone you once knew. You sort of expect they may be the same, and in some ways he is, but I also see how much he has grown up and matured. He is not that same broken little boy who thought he was a man anymore. He actually is one. He is funny and makes me laugh. He listenes to what I have to say. He thinks about what I would like when planning an activity. He opens up the car door for me. He never lets me pay (you have no idea how hard that one is for me.) 

It has been really nice to get to be a grown up, and do things without the kids, and get to focus on me a bit. (It also has been a challenge to arrange sitters and play dates for my boys, all while still doing everything else I normally do like work and such. That is a topic for it's own post, I am sure.)

Their are still some hesitations. Is he really this nice? Can he really never drink again? (He has not in years.) And my mom, sister, and brother, who knew him and our relationship all to well way back when, have hesitations as well. I know they love me and want only the best for me, and have seen me heartbroken by all my past bad choices, so they have valid opinions. They don't think he has changed (although they have not seen or interacted with him all these years; although my brother may have seen him over the years.) My sister, especially is adamant that people can not change. I do not believe that. I have changed. And we all can change because of the blood of the cross.

Plus how many of us are still the same as when we were 15, 16, 17, 18, or 19?  I thank God I am not that girl anymore. I loved her and she was cute, but I am so much more now. And he is not that person anymore either.

So what does all this mean? I do not know. I am just using this time to get to know him better. I also am getting to know myself a little better, which is pretty cool. And have even challenged myself a bit by agreeing to and not being completely scared of watching a scary movie. (I have not watched a scary movie since I was 12, Pet Cemetery, it literally haunted me for like 15 years.)

I like who he is now. I want to continue getting to know him and spending time with him.


                                                                 Jay and me recently