Monday, January 28, 2008

gone but not forgotten

Two years ago today my family learned that my cousin, Cristie had passed away. This was such a shock as she was just 29 years old. She had her whole future ahead of her. She was married a few years with an adorable stepson and had just moved to Georgia to be a teacher. It was very hard to get all the details and understand what had happened that day. I didn't really know what was going on. I remember crying in the shower after my mom called to tell me, but thinking it had to be a misunderstanding. But after talking to more family members it was confirmed. Especially after talking to her husband who had witnessed the whole horrible nightmare and watched his wife die.
The thing is that we all grew up together. My brothers, and I, with Cristie and her brother, Jerry, and my cousin Charlene. We are all close in age. Also all my aunts for the most part lived within 15 min of each other. Not only was it hard to let go of the past in the years before her death Cristie and I become friends. We talked and hung out and shared a love for teaching. Only she understood why I needed so many books, she had MORE! She had become my friend.
I hated the funeral, I kept looking at her body wondering who was that? I could not stand the smell of the flowers and I knew with all Cristie's allergies she be sneezing if she were alive. Cristie's dad was there. He and my aunt split up when Cristie was young and he lived in Cal. while we lived in NJ, so they had a less than perfect relationship. While I was crying at the funeral he took my hand and said he didn't feel like he had a right to be there. All his regret over not knowing this lovely woman more was on his face.
Then I just assured him he was her daughter too, but now I think all we really have is right now. Will I live to regret this moment? Could I be using my time more wisely? I think I want to relax and let my kids just go play, but what if this all the time we have? It reminds me to live for today. I spend so much time thinking about and worrying about tomorrow, but we have no guarantees that tomorrow will come and even if it does why let today slip by with no real accomplishment or memory? God gives us just enough for each day and that is really all we have. -Becky



Anonymous said...

Beautiful post and so much truth. I am so sorry for the loss of this precious life.

jackson's mama said...

beautifully written...cristie will always be missed:)

KHynes3 said...

I think about very often. You made me smile when you said with all the flowers around she would be sneezing.