Waiting

It's no secret...

-I would like to be married
-I would like to have a little more money
-I would like to have bamboo floors put in to replace my living room and bedroom carpet
-I would like to have all the rooms in my house painted
-I would like a handyman who accepts my whole wheat baking as payment
-I would like a vacation by myself
-I would like a vacation with my kids (after the one by myself)
-And the list goes on

Some of these things are so out of my control (like being married, that is all God) and some are just not realistic now (no funds.)

But sometimes I think things need to change so it can all be alright (like if I got married things would be ok.) Then sometimes (like tonight) I am reminded how much things are alright just as they are.

God has me in this exact situation. And it's not wrong to want to be married or want things (as long as these thought do not consume me.) But that is not His plan for me right now (or maybe ever, but still He does have a plan for me.) And we are still ok.

Even though I know that we are ok right now, still I am having a hard time discerning His will over some of the things I want and am doing in my life.

I want:
-to be a stay at home mom
-to homeschool
-to be green, and more natural
-to eat lots of fresh, local, organic food

But I have to wonder are these things He wants me focusing on now as well?

Obviously I am not a stay at home mom, I work, and am so grateful for the work He has provided and so far have paid my bills (I almost have all April bills paid in full, but I do have a little debt that needs to get taken care of. I also absolutely need to work on getting back to having an emergency fund.)

I am homeschooling now, but am praying if He wants me to continue. I stress about the how. I started homeschooling years ago because I felt God call me to do so, and He has made a way so far. If it is His will, I know I shouldn't stress about money but yet I am. Also homeschooling requires so much time and energy from me, I need His strength to continue (if it His will to do so.)

I try to be green, and try to do so to care for the resources God has given us. But should I focus so much on it? It is becoming a false God?

The food stuff is really hard. It can be expensive to eat well. It also can seem rude to not eat others food because it doesn't meet my standards. I should be eating what I feel God wants me to eat and to feed my family. I am not sure I am doing that now.

So right now I am waiting on His will.

And while I wait I am content for what I do have.

I am so thankful for...

-my amazing sons, Jason & Joshua
-my mom, Scott, Kevin, Samantha, and Kaiden
-my awesome extended family
-my church family
-my loving dog, Lady
-only having to work part time for past 3 years
-homeschooling for the past 3 years
-our homeschool co-op
-all bills paid in full (except mortgage and about $1,000 debt)
-discovering green smoothies and the energy they give me
-our home
-feeling better from illness
-freedom that we have living in America
-having more than enough
-having some to share
-this blog
-that my sons each have new shoes (that they picked out)
-finding entire summer wardrobe for Joshua and Jason in shed
-nice, new, fitting clothes, that make me hold my head a bit higher and smile while I wear them
-enough fresh fruit and veggies for a green smoothie in am
-Josh doing soccer and skateboarding (things he enjoys)
-Jason starting horseback riding on Monday (through a scholarship)(he really wants to do this)
-my blog readers (aka YOU)

I can't think of a better way to wait on Him than to count my blessings.

Want to share some of yours?

-Becky