Lucy by Skillet

I heard this song on the radio recently. I immediately knew what the song was about. After googling it tonight I confirmed what I already knew.

I am listening to this song online as I type this (for about the 15th time.)

Sometimes I need a sad song and a good cry.

Even more so because I have lived with the pain described in this song for almost 17 years now.

I know that God has forgiven me, and I have forgiven myself, but it still is sad. It still hurts. The what ifs and longing never fully go away.

As I look back over the past 17 years of my life that I have journeyed and still am into adulthood, I wish I was more arrived. I wish I was closer to God. I wish I had it more together. I wish I knew who I was and what I stood for (it changes from day to day.) I wish I was a better mother. Even after all the longing, there are so many days that I don't see the kids I do have here with me on earth as the blessings they are. Some days I am so selfish I still am that young girl I was 17 years ago. It was all about me. Sometimes it still is.

But that is so wrong. Old habits do die hard, I still am such a sinner.

Dear Lord,

I am hurting. I need more of you and less of everything else. Help me as I am still grieving the losses I have had in my life Lord. You know them all too well. You were holding me through each one, even long before I knew you were there. Thank you for that Lord. Help me to be better. Help me to be so full of your love that it overflows on everyone who crosses my path, but firstly my children, who also need it so desperately. Lord, tonight I am empty. Please fill me up!

-Becky

Lucy lyrics
Songwriters: Cooper, John Landrum;

Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today

Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today

Here we are, now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are for a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life in Heaven
Where we never say goodbye

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today

Here we are, now you're in my arms
Here we are for a brand new start
I got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
I've got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today

Hey Lucy, I remember your name