Sunday, May 17, 2009

Happy Birthday Joshua!!!

Jason age 5, Joshua 1 week old May 2003
Joshua and I in the hospital May 2003

Today Joshua is six years old. I am reminded of six years ago. I was induced on a Thur. night. The hospital made me stay in case I had him. Fri. morning nothing. The doctor was sure by lunch, but no. Then he was sure by dinner. This little boy did not want to come out. At around 1:00am Sat. he arrived. a full 15 days after his due date. I was so grateful to have my mom, sister, and stepfather there almost the entire time, especially during his birth. They were all so helpful.

But I also recall when everyone went home. About 3:00am the nurses brought me into my own room. I insisted Joshua stay with me and never leave my side (when I had Jason they took him almost until I left the hospital.) It was a hard feeling. It was 3:00am, I was exhausted. I was overwhelmed with joy for this new blessing, but also I was filled with sadness that I was there alone. It was a hard contrast to the joy. I tried to call Josh's dad, but got no answer. At that point we had only been separated a few weeks so I was hopeful he would come to his senses and we would get back together. But in a way I am glad now he didn't answer. He would have just let me down more.

Fast forward six years. I realize he was not the one for me. He has seen Joshua about 5 times. He lives in Florida. Last year he did come for Joshua's preschool graduation (as his older daughter was also graduating 8th grade.) But he forgot Josh's birthday and Christmas. Months go by without a phone call or email. Me moves and forgets to give me his address. I called him this week to remind him of Josh's birthday and he did send a card and it even got here in time.

As much as this all hurts me, it hurts more how it affects my son. He wants to call and write his dad often. He talks about his dad. He wants to go visit him. It really saddens me that he deserves a great father. Josh deserves so much more.

Ultimately, I am so grateful as we all do have a heavenly Father who does love us more than any earthly father could. We don't even deserve His love, but because of the blood of His son, Jesus Christ we can have a personal relationship with God. And I am so grateful that both my boys, in there innocence have prayed to accept that gift into there hearts. They both understand (at there age level) that we all need God and Jesus. It is so amazing. Yes, life is hard, and we all make mistakes. We all have experienced heartache and distress, yet our God is the God of second chances (and third and fourth and so on.)

Amen to that.


I can't thank you enough for the two blessings you have given me in Jason & Joshua. Help me to love them like you do. Help me to seek your will in all the decisions I need to make. Lord, bless these two boys with an over abundance. Help Joshua to have an amazing sixth year of life. Help him to grow in you as well. Lord, I give our lives to you. Help me not to take them back when I feel my way is better.
Lord, I love you and thank you for loving me.

In Jesus Name, Amen!


p.s. pray Joshua's dad, Jose comes back to the Lord and lives his life for Him!


Anonymous said...

What a precious precious post.