no baby news yet

I was so excited to learn the sex of my new niece or nephew today, but it didn't work out and we have to wait longer. My sister was pretty upset it didn't work out.

I would ask you to pray fr her. She is 20 and having her first baby. The baby's father is also young and they have lots to work out. They are dating, and I pray they would both be what each other needs and especially what the baby needs. I especially pray they would both give there lives to God and live for Him everyday. And I pray that God would use me in there lives in some way as well.

I am really excited though as I get to be in the delivery room (with my mom and my sister's boyfriend too.) She is due May 17th (which is Josh's 7th birthday.)
20 more weeks to go (give or take.) I love babies.

-Becky

My annual Christmas letter

Dear Family and Friends,

Usually I am so excited to write this letter wishing you a Merry Christmas and to update you on our lives. However, this year I have been dreading writing this letter. I guess acknowledging Christmas this year is a bit hard for us.

As most of you already know, we lost my older brother Eric on June 14. So although Christmas will come with or without us celebrating it, we wish we were celebrating it with Eric.

2009 has been a hectic, sad year, but we also have had some positives as well. In April my grandfather passed away and we went to Ohio for the service; and again in the summer to spend time with my grandmother. In April, I had surgery to fix my right ankle which had not healed from breaking it in Feb. of 2007. In June we lost Eric. In Sept. I began homeschooling both boys. It has been interesting. But I love the closer bond I see growing between them. In Nov. I bought my first house. In Dec., after much work from all of my family (thanks Mom & Scott) we were finally able to move in. It already feels like home.

Jason turned 12 this year (just this month.) He is in the 6th grade. He really enjoys science and reading. He still loves to ride his bike. Of course his favorite thing is to play video games in his new room, with his new tv that he got as a birthday gift from his grandparents. He is excited to start guitar lessons and basketball next month.

Joshua turned 6 this past May. He is in the 1st grade. He really enjoys math and art. Currently in art we are making lego movies, which he is so excited for. He has many ideas on what will make a great movie. Joshua continued to play soccer this year and played goalie much of the season. He can’t wait for spring soccer to start up again. Joshua loves to ride his bike and is especially happy we are on a corner so he gets to ride on two streets and still be close enough to the house for me.

I am still doing childcare, no longer in my home, but in other’s on an as needed basis. It works out well, as I usually just bring the boys along. I also have begun selling the homemade laundry soap that I have been making for years. I hope to grow my business to 10 bottles a month sold to ideally 100. I also am busy unpacking and dreaming of decorating. I hope to learn how to sew this year. I also hope to spend more time at home; and double my garden from last year, as my new yard is bigger and can accommodate a bigger garden.

Mostly we are really just trying to get through the day. It is hard. Losing Eric makes no sense. It hurts.

Still I know how much God has blessed us this year!!! I can still praise Him for what He has done.

I would love for you to join me at church Christmas Eve at 6 at Calvary Baptist Church in Aberdeen, NJ. On the corner of Church & Lloyd. It is a short, one hour service.

Also I hope you have a blessed Christmas and 2010.

We love you!

Love,
Becky, Jason, & Joshua

Easy kid friendly cookies and frosting

I make these every year with my kids. They are so easy, the kids can do everything. You can even make some of the dough colored to make colored cookies (i.e. some red dough, twist with non colored dough to make candy cane cookies, add crushed candy canes to top right before you cook.)

I just made a batch and tomorrow we will be making cookies. Yum!

Super Easy Sugar Cookies

3/4 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt

Mix all ingredients. Chill for at least one hour. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Flour surface and rolling pin. Roll dough to 1/4" thickness. Use fun cookie cutters (or a glass) to cut out cookies. Put on cookie sheet and bake 9-10 minutes. Cool and decorate if desired.

Homemade frosting

Warm Milk
Confectionery sugar

Mix small amount of milk with sugar to make frosting; add food coloring if so desired.

Time for play

It is so nice that we live a few houses down from our cousin's
Michael making a snow angel


















Joshua and Breanna's snow fort

My hard workers

Jason clearing deck so we can walk on it
















Joshua clearing a path for me

Baggies on my feet? What?

It started snowing about 3pm yesterday. It stopped sometime during the night. It looks so pretty out. We did not go to church as I don't like driving in snow or digging out my car for that matter.
It is about noon and my kids are getting ready to go outside an play. I did manage to get Joshua snow pants yesterday, so they both have a pair, but Jason does not have snow boots. I told him I will put baggies on his feet like my mom did when I was a kid, so his feet would not get wet under his sneakers. His face was priceless.

Snow pictures

our front porch, look at the bird prints, so cute
















street outside our house















my yard
















my yard















my car

More grieving

I spent all day Thur doing not too much. We did some school work and baked some muffins. The boys and I spent time together. I was pretty calm and didn't yell. I even brought some of the muffins to our new eccentric neighbor.

But Friday I tried to have another calm day but Jason was not cooperative. He has been sick, or sad, or not himself lately. He had a headache again Wed. night and apparently he has had it for awhile.

That makes me feel all the more horrible to hear. He is my son and I am not even aware that he has felt like "his head is exploding" for awhile, he said maybe even for a month.

I am trying. I desire to draw closer to the Lord daily, be the mom He wants me to be, and create a calm, loving, home that my boys feel at peace in. But this is almost the opposite of how it has actually been lately. It is hard.

My grief seems to be more intense. I feel disconnected from the world, and am ok with that. I sit here typing and my mind is consumed with Eric. But my boys didn't cause his death and they are grieving too. They need so much more than I am able to give right now. NONE of this makes sense.

Eric's death was so senseless. Him dying has just caused so much pain. My mom, brother, sister, and I are so hurt and more disconnected. I can barely have a conversation with my mom or Kevin. It seems we are always at different stages. If I am having an ok day and try to have a normal conversation they may not be having the same type of day or vice versa. Or I don't want to hurt them further or myself for that matter.

Again nothing makes much sense.

I found a good site if you need to know what to do with helping someone dealing with a death like this.
http://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-Who-Is-Dealing-with-the-Suicide-of-a-Loved-One

But I really hope no one else is going through losing a sibling!

-Becky

Become a follower of my blog please!

Scroll down the stuff on the left until you see Follow and click on it, please! I would love to double my followers by year's end (I have 5 now, but I know more of you read my blog.) Thanks!
-Becky

Come see our upstairs

our stairs (so exciting, as our last house had only one floor.)















upstairs hallway. Joshua's room is to the right. Jason's room is behind me as I took picture.

Joshua's new room

Joshua with his cell phone, which is now missing AGAIN


















Joshua posing with a stuffed animal, he posed with all of them, lol




















Joshua on his new captain's bed, note the space for his stuffed animals












Joshua's new headboard



























Joshua's new closet

















Joshua's new closet

Jason's new room

Jason's new bed



















Jason's new tv


















inside Jason's closet


















Jason's closet


















Jason on his new captain's bed
















Jason in his new room with his new tv

Question about using cloth toilet paper

Anonymous said...
"I have a logistical question regarding your use of cloth tp… well… how does it work? Do you have a small receptacle where you put the used cloths? Do you wash them in a special manner? I've always been curious about it."

Dear Anonymous,

Hello! Thanks for reading my blog. I am happy to answer any questions you may have. Using cloth toilet paper is surprising easily.



First, I use old t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc. for the cloth tp. I cut up into rectangles, squares, etc. In the picture is fleece, sweatshirt material, and t-shirt material.















Next to my toilet I have a plastic rectangle container that has all the clean pieces.























Then in my shower is a bucket that I throw the dirty ones in. Sometimes while I shower I let some of the water into the bucket. When my boys shower I take bucket out. I throw used ones in wash about every other day. I wash with almost anything. I use my homemade laundry soap. I wash in cold water (I wash 99% of my clothes in cold water.) I also add white vinegar as fabric softener, which kills germs as well. Then I either hang clean tp to dry on line outside or when it is cold, or rainy I throw in the dryer (which I must admit I have been doing with every load lately.) The sun or dryer kills any germs not washed out. The fabric is clean after this.
I have not been sick since before I started using all cloth, so I am sure any germs are being killed.

I hope that helps.

-Becky

Updated Family Shot

This was taken for our church directory. What do you think? -Becky

My mom and Scott are amazing

Scott (my stepfather) has completed the remodel of the upstairs of my new house. He turned one room into two rooms, two closets, and a hallway. He made it so each room has heat, plenty of outlets, and an overhead light with a switch (something we did not have in old house, I had a light with a pull string only.) He also put up shelves in Joshua's closet. He pulled up the old rug and put in two new rugs in the boys rooms. He also put in new floor molding. He did an amazing job.

My mom got the boys new beds and put them together, in addition to getting the boys paint and painting their new rooms.

Both my mom and Scott worked so hard and did an amazing job on our new house. I am so thankful for all their hard work and for them in my life.

Thanks so much Mom & Scott!

-Becky

Amazing Homeschool Co-op Group

The Thur. before Thanksgiving we had a feast at our homeschool co-op, and the families at co-op surprised me with housewarming gifts. It was so kind of them and I was in tears I was so touched. I cry when I am happy (and when I am sad of course, actually I cry a lot!)
I got a Target gift card that I used for green cleaning supplies.
I got two Kohl's gift cards. I bought a hair towel (I have always wanted one of them.) I also bought soy candles (I love candles!!!)
I got a Visa gift card that I bought toilet paper (for guests) and garbage bags.
I got new hand and dish towels that are amazing!!!
I got awesome dish soap called Sun & Earth. I think it works great, way better than any homemade dish soap I have been making. I even like it better than Seventh Generation.
I also got some new bins (like plastic shoe boxes.) Great gift for me, I love to organize!
I also got a gift card to Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I used it for a power cord, memory card, three new Christmas ornaments (one for me, Jason, & Joshua, they look like s'mores snowmen, one says Mom, one is a basketball player, and one is a soccer player-too cute!!!) I also got a bath pillow for me as I have a bath tub again after 2 years of only having a shower. I am so excited to use it.

It felt so nice to buy some new things for me, the kids, and the new house. But even nicer is how we are surrounded with such an amazing support system of people who love us so much. God uses all these people to remind us daily of His love for us.

And for that I am extremely thankful!!!

-Becky

Bills and more

Update:
all Nov. bills are paid in full.

In Nov. I also managed to get new contacts and new glasses. It was almost $700 for the contacts, glasses, and exam. I do not have vision coverage, so this is an expense I need to budget for each year (I do, in my freedom account.) But at least I am good for a year.

So far all Dec. bills are paid and will be. Plus we had a small party for Jason and his friends for his 12th birthday. In addition I just got four new tires that I desperately needed. $365 including tax, mounting, and such. Plus they rotate the tires every 5,000 miles until I need new ones again.

I also have 3 gifts each for the boys for Christmas (each are getting a set of Adventures in Odyssey cassettes that I got for $4 each; a flashlight each, that I got for free from Emergency Essentials.com, and I am making them each a fleece blanket for their new rooms.)

God continues to provide for us in amazing ways!!!

-Becky

Still no computer at home

I am at my mom's on the computer as mine is still not working. Pray we all are so sad as today it has been 6 months since we lost Eric.

-Becky

Jason

Joshua

Candy Houses

My kids and my cousin's kids with their homemade candy houses. We used graham crackers for the house, frosting for the glue, and lots of candy for the decorations.


The kids had a blast making and eating these.

People are so kind

Today we got an anonymous package in the mail with cookie mix in it. It was such a pleasant surprise. I can't wait to make the cookies with boys this week. People never cease to amaze me, that because of God they don't even know us but care about us anyway.

-Becky

Almost 6 months

In two days it will have been 6 months since Eric died. Sometimes I think I am ok, but other days it is as if I am discovering the tragic news all over again. It was so hard at Thanksgiving not having Eric there, especially since at Thanksgiving I always try to get a photo of my mom's children so I can give her that as a gift on Christmas. This year I could not even try to bring myself to touch my camera. Why would my mom want a picture with just some of her kids? It is not the same.

It is so hard to go on at times. Some days I am fine, but others I want to stay in bed and be alone. But being a single mom of two kids does not allow that.

I am in therapy, actually I have been attending therapy and a healing class as well. I realize that even before Eric died I have so much pain from my past that I am allowing to control my future. I need that to stop.

I know it is ok to be sad about Eric, I think I would be strange if I was not sad, but sometimes it is so much more than sad. It is like my heart is hurt and bruised, my insides are knotted and contorted. It is like I can't stand up straight from all the pain inside. And it is hard because I look the same on the outside, but my insides are just not right.

I don't think things will ever go back to the way they were, as Eric will always be gone, so I have to learn to live differently. I have to be content in what I do have and find joy regardless of life's circumstances. I know that I can only do that through the Lord. He is hurting with me and He wants to fill me to overflowing with His love. I need to go to Him more to be filled up. And to ask Him to help fill that void that losing Eric has caused. And know I will never be the same again, but that I have to find another way to go on. And amidst all the sadness I need to try and find laughter as well.

That is the best I can hope for.

-Becky

Jason turned 12 on Thur.

Happy Birthday Jason!!!

Dear Jason,
I am so proud of you. You are so kind and compassionate. You are also funny and keep us laughing. I love when you pretend to be going down or up an elevator it cracks me up every time. I love how your walk with the Lord is growing and how you are sharing that with Joshua and I. My gift to you is that you are now allowed to text your friends and have your new tv in your room. May you prove to be responsible with both.
I love you!
-Mom XOXO

Thur. we had cupcakes for Jason at co-op. Then I made his favorite dinner, tacos. he also had a few friends over to play his new Lego rock Band for Wii game. Then last night he had more friends over for video games, pizza, and making gingerbread houses. A few of the kids even slept over, so we are all a bit tired today. But I think Jason had a good time. He got $20 cash, a Wii game, and a toys r us gift card from his friends. Josh got him a new SD card for his Wii, apparently he wanted this.

He also had a family party with his dad's side of the family last Saturday. They got him a 22" flat screen tv, a dvd player, and two Lego sets, and a gift card to WalMart. He wants to use that to buy a wireless router.

Monday my mom and Scott are taking us out to dinner to celebrate Jason's birthday.

Yes, he gets three parties, I think next year will be the last time we do that. It can get crazy!

I think he is pretty set, and Christmas is not here yet. God blesses us so.

I will say he gave me his toys r us gift card so we can buy a gift for a child we picked to buy a Christmas gift for. He is amazing, he has such compassion for those less fortunate than he is. It makes me so proud.

I will post some pics of the birthday boy soon.

-Becky

Computer Crashed

My computer has crashed and I can not use it at home at all. I have wanted to post pictures of the new house, the Christmas tree, and of Jason who celebrated his 12th birthday on Thursday.

I am hopeful my uncle or brother can get my computer up and running again as I am going through withdrawal without it.

We have spent 6 nights in the new house and already it feels like home. We still have beds to put together, molding to paint, and shelves to put up in the closet. I would also like shelves in my closet downstairs for the boys school stuff.

I also still have to pack all the kitchen stuff from old house as well as some of the boys stuff and my stuff. We try and go to old house everyday and get a few boxes of stuff.

But at least the house is livable. And I will say having a dishwasher is so nice. I missed having one.

We even managed to put up our Christmas tree and tree lights. We have yet to put the ornaments up though.

It is all coming together and I feel good about the progress. It is still so exciting to have a house.

-Becky

One more thing before I go to bed

My thankful list (since I didn't post on thanksgiving):

Jesus dying on the cross for me (and all of you) to have a way to heaven
Jason
Joshua
our health
my mom
Scott
my sisters (Samantha & Lindsey)
my living brothers (Kevin & Matthew)
my amazing extended family
my amazing church family
my best friend, Monica
my best cousin/friend, Charlene
Joanna (my friend for 18 years)
Lauren (my friend for 24 years)
Courtney (my friend since high school, 14 years ago)
all my other amazing friends
my new house
closets for Jason, Josh, school stuff, and vacuum (did not have that before)
bathtub (did not have that before-we only had a shower stall)
cozy bed with amazing foam topper
new beds and rugs for boys (thanks mom & Scott)
finally sleeping in my new house
all Nov. bills paid in full
having all our needs met
heat
electricity
clean, running water
plenty of food to eat (too much for me lately)
awesome yard (great garden potential)
ability to read and write (where would I be without that, without a blog for sure)
desire in my heart to grow closer to the LORD

there are more, but I really must get to bed

-Becky

I so want these

I am dreaming of a pair of handmade moccasins like this, some beading would make them even better.

I better get to bed before I order a pair from somewhere online (which I can not afford at this time.) It's like 1:00am, but I am too wired to sleep (I drank about three cups of hot chocolate around 9pm.)

I love native American handiwork. Especially moccasins. Sigh!

-Becky

Medieval Times

Last Sunday my brother Kevin took us to Medieval Times. We had a blast. It is a dinner show as if we are guests at the round table of a king from medieval times. The show has knights and horses, a King and princess, and of course an evil twist. The dinner is served without utensils as it was in medieval times. The menu was super yummy. We had soup and garlic bread, then roast chicken, spare ribs, and potatoes. And we had apple turnovers for dessert.

We sat in the blue knight section, so that means we wanted him to win the tournament.

The whole night was so awesome, especially spending time with family. It was me, my boys, my brother, Kevin, my sister, Samantha, my cousin, Charlene, her two kids, Alex and Amanda, and my brother's friend and her four year old son.

Kevin got some great pics and I will upload some when I can.

-Becky

I've missed blogging

Over two weeks ago I moved half our stuff into my new house, but still we were unable to move in. The computer got moved to the new house, so blogging has been hard. Today we finally got all the beds at the new house and are spending the first night in our new house.

We still have not moved all our stuff in, as tomorrow I have to finish packing all kitchen stuff, Jason's room stuff, my stuff, my bathroom stuff, and other odds and ends. But all our furniture is at the new house.

The boys rooms are almost complete and they look great. My stepfather, Scott, my nephew, my boys, and my mom did an amazing job. We still have to paint floor molding, and put Josh's closet bar and shelves in. But the walls are up, sanded, primed, and painted. The new rugs are in and the molding is almost all in. I am amazed at how awesome it all looks.

I feel so happy to finally be in.

-Becky

Contest Winner

Sorry for the delay, but the winner of my diaper contest is:

Georgie

Congratulations!!!

As soon as I get her mailing address I will send her her cool key chain prize.

My contest got 8 packs of diapers donated to a local pregnancy center. That is so awesome!!!

-Becky