couldn't do it

Today a friend from church invited us to a barbecue with some other friends. When I got there I let the boys run ahead but I just could not go in. I told my other friend to watch the boys and then I got out of there super fast. I felt like I was going to be sick. I was at that same friends house the day I discovered Eric had died. We were just there relaxing and having fun, all the while my brother was dead. So today I just could not do it. I couldn't go in the yard and pretend my life was ok.

I wanted to drive away and never come back, but I drove home and took a nap.

This is all too hard. I keep praying for strength to make it through each day, and I guess I am, but this really feels rotten.

-Becky