Saturday, July 4, 2009

visiting with friends

The other night I had a visit from Duane. We dated for about a year, but had broken up in March. We are just both from different worlds (he is from NE and I am a Jersey girl.) Well, I really did miss him these past few weeks. So we starting talking again as friends. The other night he and two of his brothers (he has six brothers total) stopped by after a visit to Boston and New York. It was nice to see them all again. We all ate together. He did not tell his brothers my brother had died, I have no idea why, so when they were asking me about my family and stuff it was really weird. I didn't want to have to explain the whole thing, but I did not want to be cheery. I wanted to cry and shout, "my brother is dead!" But I didn't.

I hate when people don't know so they wonder why I am being so weird, or when they do know and ask me how I am. I just wish this wasn't real, so I would not have to wonder how each interaction with people might be. I love people, but lately do not want to be around them at all.

However a wonderful friend of mine, Sue, stopped by yesterday to chat. She is so loving and seems to have the right words to say. I love talking with her. I so needed her visit as the boys went to a barbecue at 2 and I fell asleep (thankfully my friend Leighann was watching the boys for me). I would have kept on sleeping forever, but she called and I knew a visit from her would be so helpful.

God is so good to provide me with such a wonderful support system in my family and friends. Even when I don't think I could possibly be around anyone God sends me the exact person who will lift my spirits.

Still I wish that I didn't need my spirits lifted. I still wish this was all a dream.