Monday, July 6, 2009

Doing anything

I want to do what is right, but it is hard to do anything at all.

I have to make a list each day:
take a shower
feed kids
do laundry

That's basically it. If I get that done, yipee.

I keep meaning to call my boss to talk about going back to work. But really I can't. Or I don't want to. Am I being lazy? I don't know. I am keeping busy. Today we went to two friend's houses. Tomorrow I have therapy, visit with a friend, and then maybe movies with kids, and then something with my mom at night. I keep busy so I am not home yelling or sleeping or being so angry.

But again today I chatted with my amazing friends who are helping me so. They gave me an assignment so to speak. Just one thing. It is so in my best interest (God has so confirmed that) yet still I can't. Well, actually I won't. I am not confused just stubborn and sinful. I want it my way!!! I want to have some control over anything.

Yet I know I do not, I need to remember God is in control and He has a better way for my life. I have until Wed. to complete this assignment, pray that I can do the right thing.

Dear Lord,

Help me to give all this pain and heartache and sin to you. Help me to just take solace in you and nothing else. Help me to be filled with your love and joy so I can be loving and joyful. Help me not to hurt others in this sad time of my life.

-In Jesus Name,