Horrible day

Today is no good. I woke up yelling at my boys and I mean yelling. I was like a mad woman. I just feel my insides are mean and broken. I still feel horrible. I am trying to have fun and be fun for them, but I am still so sad.

I am in therapy and also have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. I also am talking with some friends and that is helpful. Of course it is understandable why I am feeling this way. However it is not fair to my kids. I know God says it is ok to be sad and angry, but it is not ok to sin in that sadness and anger. I need to figure out how I can grieve while also being the mom they need. I am hoping the therapy and such will help with that.

I will say, my friend Duane is visiting from NE again. Last night we made a fire in my fire pit. The boys really enjoyed it and after I put them to bed Duane & I sat by the fire a few more hours. It was so nice to talk and cry and just be. I felt all my stress melt away (especially the stress I feel when I am trying to put boys to bed and they are yelling and getting up and such.)

It was nice. I so needed that. But it makes it harder to understand why I woke up so cranky.

I did go to physical therapy on my ankle again today as well. My ankle is still not fully healed and the pt is helpful. I am praying that my decision to have the surgery will prove to be fruitful, but right now I am still having some pain and difficulties daily.

I hate pity posts, so I will end now.

I still remember how blessed we are and still feel God's love in every day and in every situation. I just am having a hard time right now.

Thanks for listening!

-Becky