Obeying God is hard

It is not easy for me to write as I am so sad today. Duane left on a plane back to NE this afternoon. He and I met online just over two years ago. We have been dating on and off for about a year and a half (mostly long distance.)

In Feb. of this year he had moved here to try and get work. He rented a room from my brother. After about 6 weeks he left (ran out of money.)

He came again in July for a brief visit and then again at the end of July to try and once again get a job. Again he was unable to find work. So out of money he had to return home.

I feel him leaving was positive because we both felt that it was from God, however I enjoyed having him around.
And I will miss him.

Obeying God is so hard, I am not sure why as His ways are always better than our ways, yet still my old sinful heart wants what it wants, NOW!

Honestly, having Duane around was a huge temptation and my walk with the Lord has suffered because of it. I do not blame Duane, I am responsible for all my own decisions.

I will be real here, being a single mom is hard, and staying pure after having already had experiences is hard as well. Maybe not for others, but certainly for me. So having Duane in NE is a good boundary for me right now. Pray that I will use this time to get reacquainted with the Lord. I desire to put Him first in all I do.

Even though I know God has amazing plans for my life, yet I am still sad today.

-Becky