Monday, November 3, 2008

Why it matters (sensitive pro life post)

I was reading about how sometimes it seems Christians only care about the hot topics such as gay marriage and abortion, in regards to the polls. Well, of course that couldn't be further from the truth. However, these things do matter as they affect lives. I am not going to get into anything about gay people and there wanting to marry. That is an issue I don’t feel led to discuss.

A huge hot topic with Christians though is the subject of abortion. After reading my friend Courtney's amazing post about this issue, and the Lord tugging at my heart I feel I need to discuss the issue of abortion. It does matter. Pro-life people say it is the woman’s right to chose, and that is what is happening in America and all over the world. But those babies, yes they are babies, they have no choice, no voice.

Before you think that I could not possibly understand this issue, I will tell my story. It is not my intent to judge those who have had or are considering abortion. It is instead my intent to inform how abortion does matter.

I was a good girl growing up. I thought I was living a good life. Although I did not know the Lord personally, I thought surely I would get into heaven. I got good grades, played with my siblings, loved my parents (my mom and awesome stepfather Gary.) I didn’t drink, or do drugs, or skip school. I respected my teachers. I was student council president in 8th grade. I wanted to change the world. I cared.

However, I never felt very pretty. I felt like I was overweight and was insecure. In 7th grade I met a boy who liked me. He was older and in the wrong crowd. But I felt that he needed me and that I could change him. We began an on again off again relationship from that point on.

I was 12, so how much of a relationship was it really? But to me it was.
At one point we broke up and he started dating my cousin, she was his age. That was hard and altered the relationship I had with her for a long time. He eventually ended the relationship with her. After, we started dating again and I felt pressure to do what he wanted. I wanted him to love me, so I gave in. At 14 I started having a sexual relationship.

Thinking back it sickens me as I was just a child, but I thought I was so grown up.

Not long after the sexual relationship began I discovered I was pregnant. I remember that day so clearly. I was at his house and his whole family was somewhere in his house. I was just crying and screaming. I didn’t believe it. I was 14, what did I know.

He was so happy. I was in shock. Once the pregnancy was furthered confirmed I didn’t know what to do. I went to Planned Parenthood and was treated coldly, like a number. They explained my options or so they said. I was scheduled for an abortion. It was all such a whirlwind.

I did not want to have that abortion. I did not want to lose my boyfriend. I was living in a fantasy. But the reality was that I could barely handle my own life, so I thought the best thing for that baby was to not be born. My boyfriend was a drinker, he also did some drugs, and on more than one occasion he had put his hands on me. I am not sure why I put up with all that, but I guess I thought I couldn’t do any better. But ultimately I didn’t want that life for my baby. I wish now that I never had to make that choice. I wish I was never pregnant at 14, but mostly I wish that abortion were not an option.

I remember also the day of my appointment. I remember another girl screaming who had gone before me. I remember the noises and the doctor explaining what he was doing. It was like an out of body experience. I remember afterwards sitting in a green chair in a recovery room watching jeopardy. Oh how I still hate that show.

But the worst part of it all is how my life seemed to go on as if it had never happened. As if I had not made a choice to the end the life of my baby. A baby who at only 6 or 7 weeks already had a heartbeat and life!!!!

I re-read my journals of the time after the abortion; and I became a self-absorbed teenager again. Yet inside I was dying. Thoughts of suicide invaded my mind on seemingly normal days. I resumed the destructive relationship with my boyfriend. I fought with my mother. I missed a lot of school.

Guess what? My life changed that day and I can never get that back. So it does matter. Often I think of how old that child would be. I imagine he would have been a boy. I would have named him Aaron.

Now I didn’t know it then but through my abortion I would eventually come to know the Lord; as I subconsciously wanted a baby after that, hence getting pregnant three years later. That child is now my oldest son. Before he turned 1, I accepted Jesus in my heart, to be Lord of my life. But as I post pictures of my two boys I can’t help thinking that someone is missing.

Now I have given all this to God and I know He has forgiven me and is holding my child for me to one day meet face to face, but still is hurts. I can be forgiven yet still remember.

So I implore you, as you may want to pass over the abortion issue. Reconsider!!! Girls and woman are affected; it is not a quick fix. Yes, I made a choice, and yes my life would have been hard no matter what, as I was the one who got pregnant at 14. But do not believe the lie that it doesn’t matter.

Decide where you stand on the issue (where does GOD stand really?) and find out if your candidate has the same stance. It is important and it does matter.

The above is my story, but I also have permission to share another abortion story, so to show this is affecting other woman not just me:

"The story does not end here. I am woman #2 and here is my story and I while I don’t judge people, as that is God’s job, I have an obligation to share my truth……..

I was a 27 year old woman, and I had just landed the job I had been looking for. My career was just beginning. I was dating what seemed like the millionth wrong guy hoping he would turn into the right one if only a few of his major flaws would change. I was on a business training trip when I discovered I was pregnant. Being raised in the lie of women’s liberation my choice was clear, an abortion was my only option. I am ashamed to say that I never even considered anything else. My life and career was just beginning, the boyfriend was not going to last, my parents (who lived way across the country at this point) would be disappointed. Especially my Dad. Embarrassed about my situation, I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood and got the required “counseling” if you could call it that and signed on for the abortion. I showed up on my appointed day and sat in a room full of total strangers whose faces I never saw as I sat in a bull pen of liberated women who could not face each other. No one was discussing how great it was to have this freedom to control our destinies. We could not even look at each other. It was the most horrible feeling that I could have imagined. I should have gotten up and left but facing the consequences of my mistake was something I still could not do. What a strong and smart woman I found out I really wasn’t that day. Instead I was weak and succumbed to the pressures of being a woman who could put herself first and live out her dreams without regard for others, just like a man or so I thought.

That is what I was told to believe, women’s liberation gave me that false freedom. As soon as the procedure to take my child’s life was complete I learned about the lies of women’s liberation. The lie that I have control of my body and no one should be able to make the decision for me regarding an unwanted pregnancy. How many times have I prayed that one person would have tried to talk me out of my decision to get an abortion that day? It was not my choice, it was God’s gift to me and this world and I snuffed it out because I didn’t think it would fit. I never even tried it on, and I returned it back to Him in a very nasty fashion. I was not a 14 year old girl like woman #1, I was a 27 year old woman with a good job who could have figured it out because I really am smart, despite my obscenely naive decision to play God. I am still embarrassed by that pregnancy, but not for the same reasons as before.

To all who are voting think about the abortion issue. Women are different from men when it comes to a lot of things, especially sex and children. Anyone who doesn’t honor that difference and realize that abortion is a quick and false solution to a much more difficult problem does not get my vote. Women’s liberation should never have sought to make us the same as men, because we are not. The choice I made with my body that day forever bruised my soul. I did not know that was going to happen. The embarrassment I feared would have faded as soon as that sweet baby showed his face, the memory of what did to that sweet baby has never faded. I too know that God has forgiven me and is holding my child for me to meet one day. I have been forgiven, but I also, will never forget.

It is a really important issue, and we women do not have all the facts about it. What I learned is that abortion is not a freedom, but a prison that we choose for our self. Where do you stand? Think about it long and hard. I assure you it is not as easy as you think."


PNPB said...

Becky (& momma #2) thank you so much for sharing this. It is something that needs to be heard and you two are JUST the women to do it. My four children are by definition 'unwanted children.' They could have easily been aborted by thier birth moms, but there are four beautiful little ones here today because thier bio moms chose ADOPTION not abortion. I cannot imagine being in the situation of an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy, and I mourn for those who have found themselves there.

God's plan doesn't always appear to make sense while we're in the heat of it, but it always does if we are willing to listen to Him and follow what he places heavy on our hearts.

All I ever wanted growing up was a family and to be a mom, really. For some reason, my plan wasn't Gods plan. Then shortly after we were married we fell in love with a 17 mo old who had just gone into foster care. I cannot explain the immediate bond I felt when I met this child - and it continues on from there, we are up to four now. I have NO doubts in my mind that the four children who are here with us today weren't meant to be here. God's plan is perfect, IF we are willing to trust Him.

God Bless ALL Mommas and please PRAY (everyone) and ask God to place heavy on your heart how he'd like you to vote!

Lorrie said...

In 18 years of serving in a crisis pregnancy center, I have never met a woman who felt proud about exercising her "right to choose" an abortion. Instead I have met women who are deeply hurt and sadden by their decision to terminate their pregnancy. At Soltutions, we asked post-abortive women this question: "Knowing what you now know, would you have this abortion again?" 91% of women answer, "No."
As you can see, most women regret their "choice". Post-abortion counseling offered by pregnancy centers, like is wonderful place to seek hope and healing.
Thank you ladies for sharing your moving testimonies and encouraging everyone to vote with their hearts for what is morally right for our wonderful country. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

How very brave and courageous to write this all out. I am so THANKFUL to both of you for sharing your stories. God WILL use this for His glory.

He LOVES you. He always has and always will.

The Roberts Family said...

Thank you SO much for sharing your story. The Lord will bring beauty from ashes. Blessings to you!! ~Shelly

Christine said...

Thank you for sharing. You are not alone in your feelings. God is already using you.

K-Dogg said...

excellent post. it's a shame that a girl would have such heavy decisions to make at such a tender age.

thank you both for sharing and i hope and pray that you'll be able to change some minds out there for the cause of life.

Darlene said...

yes it does matter.

yes, woman's lib. and free choice are lies that land us in a prison of lies. not very liberating, is it?

you are courageous and faithful. Thank you both for sharing the work that God is doing in your lives, and for shedding Light over the darkness of lies.

Becky R said...

I couldnt figure out how to post my comment on your blog, it asked for my email address and password and kept saying it was wrong!! i have no idea, i think i need an intervention!!! I love you!!! here is my comment!!!
hey Becky, just read your story and I LOVE YOU for sharing it!!! My prayer is that God would use that story to change someone elses life, I pray that a 14 year old girl would read it and make a different decision!! I praise God that He moved you to share that story and more importantly you obeyed!!! I love you!! Love Chris

Kathy said...

Bless you for sharing your story.

Van said...

God bless you for sharing truth.

Brianisarockstar said...

I have said on Mrs. Rockstar's blog that we seem to have confused advancement in women's rights with the right to chose. In many people's eyes ... it is the same thing. Taking away a woman's right to chose is the same as taking away their rights as persons of equality all together. They are blinded to the truth.

As a father to 5 ladies, women's rights to me are the right to an education, the ability to shatter social and economic ladders that were unattainable at one time, etc.

The truth is there are VERY few women who have "chosen" to abort that never look back and never regret on some level that choice which they have made.

It has been said that this election is about tolerance. Funny, I don't remember Jesus tolerating the money changers in the temple. It is time to throw some tables upside down, vote our faith and stop accomodating.

Chocolate on my Cranium said...


Thank you so much for sharing a painful part of your past with us. It must not have been easy. We usually don't hear this side of the abortion issue - the pain and suffering the women who chose that path face even years after it has happened.

God is so good! And forgiving. Bless you for having the courage to share your story.

Abortion is always the number one issue with me. If you aren't alive then none of the other political issues matter!

Oh, thanks also for sharing the link on the Wordfull Wednesday post!

Sonja said...

(I came over from Cocoa's blog)

I also want to thank you for sharing this very personal part of your life with us. Your testimony of God's power to forgive and change a person have touched my heart. Your reminder of the pain and consequences of our actions are needed.

Thank you so much again and God bless.