Why it matters (sensitive pro life post)

I was reading about how sometimes it seems Christians only care about the hot topics such as gay marriage and abortion, in regards to the polls. Well, of course that couldn't be further from the truth. However, these things do matter as they affect lives. I am not going to get into anything about gay people and there wanting to marry. That is an issue I don’t feel led to discuss.

A huge hot topic with Christians though is the subject of abortion. After reading my friend Courtney's amazing post about this issue, and the Lord tugging at my heart I feel I need to discuss the issue of abortion. It does matter. Pro-life people say it is the woman’s right to chose, and that is what is happening in America and all over the world. But those babies, yes they are babies, they have no choice, no voice.

Before you think that I could not possibly understand this issue, I will tell my story. It is not my intent to judge those who have had or are considering abortion. It is instead my intent to inform how abortion does matter.

I was a good girl growing up. I thought I was living a good life. Although I did not know the Lord personally, I thought surely I would get into heaven. I got good grades, played with my siblings, loved my parents (my mom and awesome stepfather Gary.) I didn’t drink, or do drugs, or skip school. I respected my teachers. I was student council president in 8th grade. I wanted to change the world. I cared.

However, I never felt very pretty. I felt like I was overweight and was insecure. In 7th grade I met a boy who liked me. He was older and in the wrong crowd. But I felt that he needed me and that I could change him. We began an on again off again relationship from that point on.

I was 12, so how much of a relationship was it really? But to me it was.
At one point we broke up and he started dating my cousin, she was his age. That was hard and altered the relationship I had with her for a long time. He eventually ended the relationship with her. After, we started dating again and I felt pressure to do what he wanted. I wanted him to love me, so I gave in. At 14 I started having a sexual relationship.

Thinking back it sickens me as I was just a child, but I thought I was so grown up.

Not long after the sexual relationship began I discovered I was pregnant. I remember that day so clearly. I was at his house and his whole family was somewhere in his house. I was just crying and screaming. I didn’t believe it. I was 14, what did I know.

He was so happy. I was in shock. Once the pregnancy was furthered confirmed I didn’t know what to do. I went to Planned Parenthood and was treated coldly, like a number. They explained my options or so they said. I was scheduled for an abortion. It was all such a whirlwind.

I did not want to have that abortion. I did not want to lose my boyfriend. I was living in a fantasy. But the reality was that I could barely handle my own life, so I thought the best thing for that baby was to not be born. My boyfriend was a drinker, he also did some drugs, and on more than one occasion he had put his hands on me. I am not sure why I put up with all that, but I guess I thought I couldn’t do any better. But ultimately I didn’t want that life for my baby. I wish now that I never had to make that choice. I wish I was never pregnant at 14, but mostly I wish that abortion were not an option.

I remember also the day of my appointment. I remember another girl screaming who had gone before me. I remember the noises and the doctor explaining what he was doing. It was like an out of body experience. I remember afterwards sitting in a green chair in a recovery room watching jeopardy. Oh how I still hate that show.

But the worst part of it all is how my life seemed to go on as if it had never happened. As if I had not made a choice to the end the life of my baby. A baby who at only 6 or 7 weeks already had a heartbeat and life!!!!

I re-read my journals of the time after the abortion; and I became a self-absorbed teenager again. Yet inside I was dying. Thoughts of suicide invaded my mind on seemingly normal days. I resumed the destructive relationship with my boyfriend. I fought with my mother. I missed a lot of school.

Guess what? My life changed that day and I can never get that back. So it does matter. Often I think of how old that child would be. I imagine he would have been a boy. I would have named him Aaron.

Now I didn’t know it then but through my abortion I would eventually come to know the Lord; as I subconsciously wanted a baby after that, hence getting pregnant three years later. That child is now my oldest son. Before he turned 1, I accepted Jesus in my heart, to be Lord of my life. But as I post pictures of my two boys I can’t help thinking that someone is missing.

Now I have given all this to God and I know He has forgiven me and is holding my child for me to one day meet face to face, but still is hurts. I can be forgiven yet still remember.

So I implore you, as you may want to pass over the abortion issue. Reconsider!!! Girls and woman are affected; it is not a quick fix. Yes, I made a choice, and yes my life would have been hard no matter what, as I was the one who got pregnant at 14. But do not believe the lie that it doesn’t matter.

Decide where you stand on the issue (where does GOD stand really?) and find out if your candidate has the same stance. It is important and it does matter.

The above is my story, but I also have permission to share another abortion story, so to show this is affecting other woman not just me:



"The story does not end here. I am woman #2 and here is my story and I while I don’t judge people, as that is God’s job, I have an obligation to share my truth……..

I was a 27 year old woman, and I had just landed the job I had been looking for. My career was just beginning. I was dating what seemed like the millionth wrong guy hoping he would turn into the right one if only a few of his major flaws would change. I was on a business training trip when I discovered I was pregnant. Being raised in the lie of women’s liberation my choice was clear, an abortion was my only option. I am ashamed to say that I never even considered anything else. My life and career was just beginning, the boyfriend was not going to last, my parents (who lived way across the country at this point) would be disappointed. Especially my Dad. Embarrassed about my situation, I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood and got the required “counseling” if you could call it that and signed on for the abortion. I showed up on my appointed day and sat in a room full of total strangers whose faces I never saw as I sat in a bull pen of liberated women who could not face each other. No one was discussing how great it was to have this freedom to control our destinies. We could not even look at each other. It was the most horrible feeling that I could have imagined. I should have gotten up and left but facing the consequences of my mistake was something I still could not do. What a strong and smart woman I found out I really wasn’t that day. Instead I was weak and succumbed to the pressures of being a woman who could put herself first and live out her dreams without regard for others, just like a man or so I thought.

That is what I was told to believe, women’s liberation gave me that false freedom. As soon as the procedure to take my child’s life was complete I learned about the lies of women’s liberation. The lie that I have control of my body and no one should be able to make the decision for me regarding an unwanted pregnancy. How many times have I prayed that one person would have tried to talk me out of my decision to get an abortion that day? It was not my choice, it was God’s gift to me and this world and I snuffed it out because I didn’t think it would fit. I never even tried it on, and I returned it back to Him in a very nasty fashion. I was not a 14 year old girl like woman #1, I was a 27 year old woman with a good job who could have figured it out because I really am smart, despite my obscenely naive decision to play God. I am still embarrassed by that pregnancy, but not for the same reasons as before.

To all who are voting think about the abortion issue. Women are different from men when it comes to a lot of things, especially sex and children. Anyone who doesn’t honor that difference and realize that abortion is a quick and false solution to a much more difficult problem does not get my vote. Women’s liberation should never have sought to make us the same as men, because we are not. The choice I made with my body that day forever bruised my soul. I did not know that was going to happen. The embarrassment I feared would have faded as soon as that sweet baby showed his face, the memory of what did to that sweet baby has never faded. I too know that God has forgiven me and is holding my child for me to meet one day. I have been forgiven, but I also, will never forget.

It is a really important issue, and we women do not have all the facts about it. What I learned is that abortion is not a freedom, but a prison that we choose for our self. Where do you stand? Think about it long and hard. I assure you it is not as easy as you think."