Sunday, February 17, 2008

feeling bad

I just slept through church and of course I am feeling bad. Why do I love to sleep so? I so enjoy church and every time I am there feel great. It is so important for me to go, but today I just kept hitting the snooze button. The boys were playing a game and were so quiet. But now my heart feels so guilty. I need time to worship the Lord, not more time to sleep. I think satan loves to whisper in my ear and when he does I tend to get confused. I am sure this is a sign that I am so far from God. I am confused about other things too. I think I hear God telling me one thing about my future job, but then other times I hear the "you are not good enough", or "you can't". I know that is satan, but I get confused when I hear "what about your kids?" Is that God or satan? Also I am confused about dating. I though about a year ago God was telling me maybe I was ready, but now I am so unsure. I don't think I really am. I am sure you are confused, but believe me not as much as I am.
I know this though the way my heart feels right now I know I was wrong. I know I have sinned because I feel further away from God right now. This is the opposite of how I want to feel.
I need God everyday, over tv, sleep, the computer, food, and other things. He has to come first and last, so I can know what His will for my life is.
Cause feeling so sad certainly can not be His will.
Ok, now you know I am crazy, or satan tells me I am, who knows, but I do know I am so confused. -Becky