Monday, June 22, 2009

depression makes me spend

Please continue to lift my family in prayer as we are all grieving my brother Eric.

For me specifically I have spent about $400 in the past two weeks that was not planned for. Actually right now my freedom account should be $1,200, but it is a little over $400. Yikes! Depression makes me spend money, this is not good. Especially since as of right now I do not have a job. I may get to go back to my office job, but am unsure at this time. Plus I am not ready. I hope to go back to my Sat. night babysitting job soon.

I just balanced all my checking and savings accounts so I know where I stand. I also put my 2 debit cards away, so they will not be in my wallet to tempt me. I may freeze them in ice as a further deterrent. At least I have no debt and money in savings, but I don't want to waste that money at all.

I do not need anything, so I do not need to spend any money at all. It just feels good for a bit, but it does not really fix anything. I know I need to give this emptiness to the Lord, but sometimes this fact escapes my brain.

Today I still feel in such a fog, but at least I am not as angry as I was yesterday. That was actually scary as I was ugly inside.

Thanks again for all your comments, emails, calls, thoughts, and prayers. I do feel the love so to speak.

-Becky

3 comments:

sylvia said...

i'm not sure of the chemical connection about spending, but i know it is real. i bet most people react exactly the same way. if you are spending, then the world isn't collapsing around you, what you think happened didn't really happen at all, and you must be okay because you are SPENDING.

i'm glad you caught it as quickly as you did, many people "come to" months later, hundreds of dollars in debt. you will be okay Becky, maybe not today, tomorrow or even next year. but you will be okay. reach out and take God's hand, he only asks that you do that, nothing more.
sylvia

Jeannette said...

I agree depression does have a control like no other, it can ruin a person in so many ways.

It can cause over eating, lack of sleep, paranoia, obsessions,
WE both know how to give up all of this to God, he will guide you and wrap his hands around you

Wife to the Rockstar said...

Praying friend....